Ever wonder, fabCats, what your feline friends are trying to say when they meow at you out of the blue? When all their needs are met, they’re perfectly content, and yet they still throw in the occasional “meow” your way, as if they just want to chit-chat? If, like us, you sometimes take on the role of a narrator, commenting on the little scenes with your cats in the starring roles, today we’re diving into the TOP 5 topics our kitties would most likely chat about with us if they could. Let’s go!

Neighborhood Gossip

With their sharp hearing, natural curiosity, keen observational skills, and a passion for lounging on the windowsill or balcony, neighborhood gossip would top the list of topics to discuss with our cats. Can you imagine the juicy stories they could bring back to us? Reporting on who isn’t sorting their trash, giving credit to the neighbor who picks up after their dog, or checking in on who Karen from apartment four had a spat with last week. Now that’s the good stuff! For such hot news, they’d definitely deserve an extra treat or two, but is that too high a price for being the most well-informed neighbor on the block? Absolutely not!

The Household Schedule

Cats are masters of routine and know how to organize their lives precisely. They’d probably arrange our schedules down to the minute if they could. What might end up in their little feline notes? Every five-minute delay in serving breakfast, irregular litter box cleanings, and insufficient playtime would surely be in the top three grievances. On the flip side, if cats were really in charge of our time, they’d likely suggest more naps, rest, and relaxation—and who could argue with that? Just as long as they leave some time for work because last we checked, cat food doesn’t grow on trees.

Changes to the Chef’s Menu

Wouldn’t it be amazing if every dish were as tasty as those snacks you get between meals? We feel cats would have some strong opinions on this, and we, as their personal chefs, wouldn’t have much to say in return. Nobody likes to eat the same thing over and over, and while cats don’t handle big changes in their diet too well, there’s no reason not to mix things up if we find a few flavors and recipes that work for them. We know plenty of cats who would be pleased with such a variety. If only they could tell us which flavors to order in advance instead of deciding after the fact that they’re not into it…

The Open Door Policy

National and international politics probably don’t interest cats much—why bother with all that adult human drama? But when it comes to household policies…oh, they’d have plenty to say. Imagine the feline parliament debating:

• Open borders (a.k.a. open doors),
• Granting housemate status to other pets (and deciding who gets to make these nominations and why it should always be the cat),
• Feline diets (and why they should be expanded),
• Immunity rights granted by virtue of being a cat (and how these protect them from justice when scratching up the sofa or climbing the curtains),
• The criminal code of law (and why it should be replaced with a reward-based system).

We have a feeling these debates would be a hit online, not just among cats but also with their human companions!

Deals on Cat Gadgets

We’ve got it, fabCats: the ultimate topic for our furry friends to research on our behalf—deals on cat gadgets, furniture, toys, and treats! Why would cats be perfect for this job? First, they have plenty of time to gather intel from all their online pals, sniffing out recommendations for the best products. Second, cats know exactly what they like and what they don’t. That way, you’d always know when myKotty is running a sale on LUI and VIGO, when it’s best to order the EMI cushion, and why the Kung-Fu kicker has the perfect mix of valerian and catnip. You’d never miss a hot new launch because your cat would slide into every brand’s DMs and, with one sweet “Puss in Boots” look, get all the pre-release scoop. Watch out, wallet!

Now it’s your turn! Drop your suggestions for cat-human gossip topics in the comments below or on our Facebook page, fabCats! We’re off to get back to work because our feline supervisor is already watching over us, demanding more productivity. 😸